Baby, it’s cold outside. And what better way to get your blood pumping on these chilly winter nights than to take in a little burlesque? Burlesque troupes across the country are putting on holiday-themed events for those of you that can’t be bothered with anything “family friendly” and we’re proud to ticket some of the best that burlesque has to offer. Whether you’re in the mood for a sexy spin on The Nutcracker or want a little bump and grind on Christmas Eve or maybe you’re a burlesque dancer looking for a winter burlesque course to improve your chops. Whatever it is, we got you covered (or un-covered in this case).

How about a great gift idea? Take that special someone out for a night of cocktails and cabaret or treat them to a course on tassel twirling. I, personally, can’t think of a better winter warmer.

Here’s a list of our recommended events. Enjoy!

TONIGHT!

WTF WEDNESDAYS HOLIDAY EDITION! With the Can Can Castaways!  Seattle, Washington  Come check out the Can Can Castaways in their most risque show yet, “WTF WEDNESDAY Special Holiday Edition!” Outrageous, provocative and sexy would be an understatement for this avant garde variety show. The Can Can Castaways ONLY weekday show is coupled with an affordable cover and an all-night happy hour menu featuring our food and absinthe/absinthe cocktail favorites.

Thursday, December 8 

Backbar Beauties Burlesque  Seattle, Washington  Back at the Backdoor – the Backbar Beauties – ready to bring back the holiday spirit and cheer – perhaps by revealing their backside… enough with the backs – just make sure you get yourself BACK to see these girls!!  Two shows – one at 7pm and one at 9pm.

Burlesque  Santa Ana, California  Michael Lopez brings you an evening of festive holiday fun.

Cabaret Red Light’s NUTCRACKER  Philadelphia, Pennsylvania  Drawing on the original story by E.T.A. Hoffmann, Cabaret Red Light’s ballet-and-burlesque “NUTCRACKER” uses a variety of media, including shadow puppets, kinetic sculpture, live music and narrative dance, to tell the classic tale of a child’s troubled visions on Christmas Eve. Cabaret Red Light is a 20+ member troupe of Philadelphia’s most talented vaudeville performers, mixing original live music, dark comedy, puppet theatre and burlesque in the spirit of the decadent 1920s.

Friday, December 9

Stripped Screw Presents: The Best Burlesque Pageant Ever!  Seattle, Washington  Stripped Screw takes on the true meaning of Christmas in this throw back to your childhood Christmas pageants. Misfits, wise men and a shining star all come together to form one magnificent disaster. When the Screws show up at the Burlesque Pageant auditions due to an innocent mistake, everyone is horrified. Why? Because they’re horrible; raunchy, gaudy, pushy and delight in being the terrors of the neighborhood. Then in the blink of a rhinestoned eyelash, The Screws find themselves starring in Miss Kitty Baby’s annual pageant to the shock and bewilderment of her special students! Find out why everyone is in such an uproar over the Screws, as Seattle’s gritty glam burlesque troupe twists this classic Christmas tale and gives it the sexy, sultry perversion that they are known for in “The Best Burlesque Pageant Ever!”

The Deltan Follies  Tacoma, Washington  A full length variety show including Illusion! Comedy! Parody! Dance Music and Vocals all with a provacatively unique twist in live entertainment! All in an amazingly incredible theatrical setting in the heart of downtown Tacomas’ historic “Theater District”.  The perfect choice for special occassions, bachelorette parties, birthday parties, holiday parties, girls’ night out or really just for the heck of it!

Cabaret For the Cause  Memphis, Tennessee  A night of music, dance, magic and burlesque to benefit the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center. Featuring: Memphis Raq’s own Lavinnia London, The magic of Justin Illusion, the racy, hip-shakin’ vintage music of the Side Street- Steppers, the comic talents of Sandy Kozik, the hoola-hoop artistry of K N Zoe Provino and more to come. Hosted by the Queen mother herself Ms. Beverly Hills!

Candy and Cocktails: A Holiday Affair  Austin, Texas  Gifts and all, the Jigglewatts Burlesque Revue presents a delicious evening of holiday cheer and burlesque delights featuring special guest Black Mariah of Dallas, winner of the Mama’s Choice Crown at the Southern Exposure Burlesque Pageant, NC, and comedienne Nicole Lucas. Jigglewatts Coco Lectric, Ruby Joule, Goldie Candela, Ruby Lamb and Pearl Lux will also perform new numbers and favorites that will make you wish you brought the mistletoe.

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Cirlesque  Santa Monica, California  Cirlesque is a unique stage experience, an art-deco style burlesque and variety show with a modern day edge! The time is 1940’s Paris, transported to present day. Scantily clad girls dance burlesque, strip, hip-hop and island, singers sing jazz, blues, rock and opera, aerialist spin and dance in the air and comedians entertain vaudeville style. The sound is a fusion of art-deco, rock and club. This show is a non-stop, wild ride, even through intermission!

Saturday, December 10

Homo for the Holidays  Seattle, Washington  “Homo For The Holidays!” is a seasonal spectacle guaranteed to make even the most stubborn yuletides gay! An unforgettable all-star cast of burlesque, cabaret, dance, drag, and musical local luminaries come together in a display of glittering grandeur! “Homo For The Holidays!” is a hearty holiday fruitcake packed with rollicksome reindeer, enticing elves, ghostly guests, sexy snowstorms, agile angels, musical Maccabees, and new ways to define coming home.  It’s not Christmas in July, it’s Pride in December!  Light your menorah, stuff your stockings, and join our chosen family in celebrating our favorite wintry holiday of all, Homo for the Holidays!

Chriskwanzakkah 2011  Los Angeles, California  Dystopian Studios throw a lot of great parties here at their studios in The Brewery. But there is only one “CHRISKWANZAKKAH!” benefiting Toys-for-Tots, and now in their seventh year, we plan to do our biggest, awesomest, craziest party yet! Buy your tickets soon, this party sells out every year. Open Bar from 8:00 PM to 2 AM. Chriskwanzakkah Tree Lighting and portraits from 8:30 to 10:00 PM. The Main Dance Floor will feature DJ Blake Labounty, DJ Mike Wikkid and DJ RayChill. In the Main Lounge will be DJ Corpse Toe. There will also be sexy burlesque and fire performances by The Brazen Booties burlesque troupe, kick ass breakdancing by Tales, death defying aerial dancing by Eighth Letter and live painting! Also, a Toys-for-Tots collection by a squad of US Marines! Plus…. 2012 fortune cookie telling, super raffle, sexy go-gos, best dressed contests, hookah lounge, hot tub, new expanded dance floor, food trucks and lots more! And did we mention…open bar! Don’t forget to sit on Jesus’ lap and let him know what loot you’d like on his birthday!

COSTUME GENIUS WITH MUSETTE  Minneapolis, Minnesota  Learn fabulous no-sew costuming techniques! Get tips and tricks from Musette, known for her creative, crafty, clever costumes.  Musette, The Ring-Mistress of Mischief, is a Minneapolis burlesque darling and sideshow sweetie who will show you a grand ole time as she performs terrifyingly beautiful sideshow acts and kicks up her heels with some vintage striptease. Creator of “The Midnight Muse Presents” Miz Musette has put together a string of irreverent shows since 2008 that focus on the decadent art of burlesque, the shock and awe of sideshow mayhem and that encourage the audience to participate in naughty, burlesque-inspired carnival games and contests. Musette’s goal is to let one and all indulge in a naughty giggle or two as sequins flash and a grand spectacle takes the stage, folks.

Off Off Broadzway’s Let it HO!  St. Louis, Missouri  What do you get when you mix desperation with a hint of stupid and a dash of vodka? Off Off Broadzway’s all-girl revue, the burlesque-parody, all-female sketch comedy troupe!  Meet Dolly Natrix, Allie Wayes, Ricki Dickyouless, Maddie Scientits, Brie Tarde, Cassie Oh and ringmaster Andy Drogynous in a musical sketch comedy show that combines sharp writing with catchy songs and a lot of dirty comedy.

Provocatease presents Dear Santa  Glendale, Arizona  The holidays get sexy and sassy with Provocatease’s brand-new Christmas revue, “Dear Santa,” at Le Chalet in Glendale, Arizona. Visit the North Pole’s greatest attractions – dancing burlesque dolls, red hot tapping reindeer, toy repairing nymphet elves, eye defying magic, and a chimney ride to make Mrs. Santa blush! Special guest performance by the Big Man in Red & the Ho-Ho-Ho’s! Come get on the naughty list!

Slow Burn Burlesque presents “Jesus Big Birthday Burlesque Bash”  New Orleans, Louisiana  Join Slow Burn Burlesque for Jesus’ Big Birthday Burlesque Bash as they celebrate the holidays the heathen way with lots of booze, naked girls, and zero Christmas music. They’re going to bring the house down with their naughtiest numbers and most outrageous behavior, and no one has to feel any remorse because the guest of honor, Jesus Christ, is going to join them live at the Howlin’ Wolf to pardon your sins, and take part in all of the debauchery. Come get drunk on communion wine and pin dollars on the Lord’s chest. You might even get tickled in a heavenly place. You don’t want to miss the most raucous birthday the world has ever seen. Go Jesus; it’s your birthday! Starring special guest Miss Michael and the Slow Burn Jesus Freaks: Ginger Licious, Nona Narcisse, Ruby Rage, Roxie le Rouge, Lady Lucerne, Moxie Sazerac, Kitty Twist, and emcee Ben Wisdom!

Monday, December 12

Introduction to Burlesque  Allston, Massachusetts  No previous experience is necessary. This series of classes was designed and created with the novice dancer in mind, but experienced dancers looking to learn classic burlesque moves and techniques will also greatly benefit. Through a series of lessons and demonstrations which build upon one another, students will learn the fundamentals of burlesque dance. At the end of the course, you will have the building blocks to create your own fun and flirty dance routine. Over the four weeks we’ll discuss burlesque-related topics like music selection, the art of costuming, and performing for an audience. Burlesque is a terrific form of expression for any woman. It builds confidence, comfort with your own body  and it’s great exercise too! This is a four-session course.  All classes are from 7:30 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. and are taught at B.A.B.E. This week’s move is The Grind, those oh-so teasing and pleasing types of hip circles that are essential to classic burlesque. Week Two’s striptease lessons are on Skirts and Shirts.  Please bring a skirt with a zipper and a blouse with buttons. Since you’ll be removing your clothes, you may want to wear shorts or leggings and a tank top underneath or fancy lingerie, depending on your comfort level.

Tuesday, December 13

Fabulous Fascinators  Allston, Massachusetts  Fascinators (hair ornaments) are all the rage, worn by burlesque dancers and royal wedding guests alike! In this workshop that combines hands-on practice with discussion and display, you will create glamorous hair ornaments in the form of flower clips and feather fascinators! They’re great for holiday presents too. You will construct both a hair flower fit for a pin-up and a fascinator any showgirl would sport while we discuss and apply different techniques for building them on any budget. Decorate your creation with an array of materials, including glitter, trim, rhinestones and everything glitzy in between. Learn tricks to wearing hair ornaments and keeping them in place. All of the supplies needed are provided in class. But please feel free to bring any materials you’d especially like to use or works in progress for guidance, too!

THE GLAMAZONS – The Big Girlie Holiday Show  New York, New York  The pop/burlesque girl group sensation, The Glamazons will be starring in “The Big Girlie Holiday Show”! An evening of sassy songstresses, bawdy burlesque and voluptuous vixens bringing you naughty renditions of your favorite Christmas tunes! The Glamazons are strong, sexy, voluptuous women who were finalists on “America’s Got Talent” Season 2. They are on a mission to show the world that talent comes in all sizes and have the voices and dance moves to back it up! The Glamazons have been an inspiration to audiences across the country and internationally. They were also featured in a campaign for plus size clothing line “Torrid”, appearing in Seventeen, Glamour and Bust magazines. “The Big Girlie Holiday Show” will be hosted by Raven Snook (Hot Mama Burlesque), featuring performances by Burlesque Phenomenon Tina Tassels, Broadway’s Marissa Rosen, and comedian JQ of Comedy Central.

Wednesday, December 14

Art of the Tease  Seattle, Washington  Women in the Golden Age of Burlesque refined teasing to an art– the art of strip-tease! This workshop includes historical examples of Burlesque legends and exercises to practice the skills they developed. In this introductory class, students are empowered to explore and discover their own inner tease-artiste in a safe and friendly environment. Gloves, boas, and hand-fans are provided, no dancing or dance skill required. Learn the who and what of the how and why! Taught by Academy Instructors, including Miss Indigo Blue, The Shanghai Pearl, Inga Ingenue, and more.

Thursday, December 15

Vacancy: A Burlesque Tale of Holiday Travel  Seattle, Washington  Have you ever found yourself waiting for a cancelled flight, being stuck indoors because of snow or staying a little too late at the office, having a little too much holiday cheer and deciding to stay the night somewhere along the way home? “Vacancy – A Burlesque Tale of Holiday Travel” tells the story of what happened to several travelers who find themselves stuck in a cheap hotel while trying to make it home for the holidays (or are they)? Step inside to warm your cockles as you take a peek into the private rooms of the performers. Will you find something nice or something naughty? Only one way to find out, so snuggle up and watch the tales unfold on this winter’s night.

Friday, December 16

GOREJESS GALS BURLESQUE present “THE GLITZ AND GRIND SHOW”  Seattle, Washington  Gorejess Gals Burlesque invites guests to stroll the red carpet at the premiere of their exciting new production, “The Glitz and Grind Show.” The Gals will be more sparkly than ever as they present naughty new routines inspired by the glamour and grit of Broadway and the Silver Screen. Audiences can sip champagne or a signature cocktail as they anticipate the tempting performances of troupe members Gorejess Mimi Montgomery, Cherry “Killer” Tomatoes, Colette Crimson, Lila Dread, and Pixie Parcelle.

Pasties For Pups  Seattle, Washington  Bundle on up and come help give the animals at PAWS a warm and happy holiday. These dancers will be spreading good cheer and holiday spirit while they shake it like a snowglobe. Featuring the warm AND fuzzy burlesque stylings of: Blithe Night, Candy Apples, Cherry Tart, EmpeROAR Fabulous!!!, Flirty Sanchez, Ginger Snapz, Lowa DaBoomboom, Minni Bobbins, Sara Dipity, and Solange Corbeau. With kittens: Lemon Chiffon and Lola Mari Posa. All proceeds of Pasties for Pups go towards the animals at PAWS.

Tempting Tarts Burlesque presents: 2011 – A Year with the Tarts!  Seattle, Washington  2011 has been a phenomenal year for the Tempting Tarts, and they want to relive those memories with their fans before they turn their calendars over to 2012. Each Tart will present a personal favorite act that they hope will become one of your favorites, too. But you’ll have to join them at the Rendezvous to find out. Anticipation, after all, is part of the tease.

Surprise Santa! A Nut Crackin’ Burlesque Bedtime Story  Anchorage, Alaska  Alaska’s Premiere Burlesque Troupe’s twisted, poignant, hilarious and sexy version of the Nutcracker! Clara! Drosselmeyer! Spenard! Snow! the Land of the Sweets! Dancing! Live Music! Comedy! Striptease! Candy! They will amaze, enchant, mystify, and electrify you, so do NOT miss this show!

TROPICANA – Rhinestone Follies  New York, New York  In the TV show “I Love Lucy,” Ricky Ricardo worked as a band-leader for a Cuban-themed Manhattan nightclub called The Tropicana. It was a dream in technicolor: classic cars and cigars, a world where every day is a beautiful tropical summer, every night is shrowded in mystery and romance, and every stage is covered in flowers and showgirls. The Rhinestone Follies plan to transform The Triad into this land of wonder by presenting an evening of burlesque inspired by 1950s Havana.

Saturday, December 17

How to Strip for your Lover  Seattle, Washington  Bring the sumptous art of Burlesque into the boudoir! Learn techniques for teasing, tantalizing, and actually stripping for your sweetheart! With demonstrations, and lots of time to practice!

Provocatease presents SKINematic  Phoenix, Arizona  Provocatease presents SKINematic- Cinema Undressed- at Filmbar in Phoenix. The cast brings to life your favorite SINematic moments with a sexy twist in front of the big screen. From romantic comedy, to high danger action, to spine tingling horror – there is something for every fan! Special performance by the Big Man in Red & the Ho-Ho-Ho’s! A Merry Jingle Ballz to you all! Provocatease is a live Vaudevillian cabaret stage show of saucy burlesque starlets, dancing dames, knee slapping comedians, sketch comedy, singers, impersonators, up close magic, danger sideshow acts, fire performers, and amazing aerial feats!

Gotham Burlesque New York, New York  HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR! WITH 10 GREAT ACTS! STARRING INTERNATIONAL BURLESQUE SUPERSTAR MISS DIRTY MARTINI WITH: Headmistress JOWELDON. Also featuring TIGGER! – The first ever Mr. Exotic World, JONNY PORKPIE, AMBER RAY – Sultry Burlesque Vixen, Ms TICKLE – Mystical Mistress Of Tease, LEGS MALONE – The Girl with the Thirty-Four and a half inch inseam, BOO BESS – The Baroness, BBHEART & SCHAFFER and  ALBERT CADABRA – The Great Deceiver (special Holiday magic act). Hosted by THE WORLD FAMOUS *BOB* with his stage kitten DANGRRR DOLL.

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Sunday, December 18

Backbar Beauties Burlesque  Seattle, Washington  Back at the Copper Gate – the Backbar Beauties – ready to bring back the holiday spirit and cheer – perhaps by revealing their backside… enough with the backs – just make sure you get yourself BACK to see these girls!!

Monday, December 19

Tassel Twirling for the 21st Century  Seattle, Washington  Watch em wiggle! See em jiggle! Can you go clockwise? In opposite directions? Learn the ancient alluring skill of tassel twirling! A Revolutionary class for all budding Helicopter Girls. Open to all bodies with chests.

Christmas Eve! Saturday, December 24

CAN CAN CASTAWAYS HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR!!  Seattle, Washington  Cabaret, burlesque, modern dance, and belly dance meet for this very special holiday spectacular presented by The Can Can Castaways and their extended dance crew.

Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad – 9th Annual Xmas Eve In NYC  New York, New York  In the last year there have been several offshoots of Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad – “Funny Girls on Film,” “Mah Jong Face” with Cory Kahaney, “Nice Jewish Girls Get Lit” and “The Cat Ladies of Comedy and their Little Dogs Too.” Exciting things have happened to some of the alumni of these projects – Jena Friedman (“Funny Girls on Film”) is now writing for Letterman (a remarkable feat for any woman) Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer (“Funny Girls on Film”) just had their TV show greenlit on FX and will be produced by Amy Poehler, Cory Kahaney has been on Letterman and is on Joy Behar everytime I turn around, Rena Zager was a producer on Dave’s Old Porn on Showtime and many more ladies going to higher levels of greatness. Susannah Perlman is creating a non-profit to keep the machine going, so she’s giving to you: “The Nice Jewish Gone Bad Project.” Come on down to this Christmas Eve event featuring Jena Friedman (Letterman), Rena Zager (Comedy Central), Hilary Schwartz(Sirius), Minnie Tonka as well as films by Broad City (Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson) and Jena Friedman and many more. The evening will be hosted by The Goddess Perlman.